Sunday, April 30, 2006

doors of perception: mexico decriminalises marijuana and other drugs

Mexico's Congress has approved a law which will bring in 'Class C' decriminalisation for possession of small amounts of cannabis or 'marijuana' ... plus cocaine, heroin, LSD, magic mushrooms and mescaline.

And, despite pressure from the US DEA it looks like the Mexican President Vicente Fox, who could block the new law, will instead sign the go ahead for the bill.

The Mexican government is following the footsteps of the British 'Class C' for cannabis policy, which allows police to focus on large-scale trafficking operations rather than minor drug busts.

In Britain 'Class C' for Cannabis is saving the tax payer about £1 billion a year.

The Mexican law also stipulates allowable quantities for an array of other drugs, including LSD, ecstasy and amphetamines. Again their policy is very like the plans suggested by Britain's forward thinking 'New Labour' government which would allow cannabis users to possess surprisingly large amounts of the drug before they would be accused of dealing.

However again the Mexicans go much further than Britain where 'magic mushrooms' have been made a 'Class A' drug along with heroin. Under the new Mexican law it will be ok to possess more than two pounds of peyote, the button-sized hallucinogenic cactus used in some native Indian religious ceremonies.

Mexico's cops, famous for their corruption and bribe taking will have to look elsewhere for extra cash, but the country can expect a massive tourist boom.

Mexico produces some of the best marijuana in the world, the strongest 'magic' mushrooms the natural source of Psilocybe (supposedly sampled there by the Beatles). 'Peyote' is also found in Mexicio - this is the natural source of the psychedelic Mescaline as described in the Doors of Perseption by Aldous Huxley.

More @ News of the Weed

Saturday, April 29, 2006

9.11 conspiracy: '666' fear of 'Nuclear 9.11' in Chicago on 06/06/06 (6th June 2006)

WORK has finally started on rebuilding the World Trade Towers destroyed on 9.11, but more and more people believe that the 'terrorist' who planned the distruction may well be the sitting in the White House Oval office, rather than in a cave in Afganistan.

We speak of course of the crazy religious fundamentalist blogger, Bin Bush, who puts out threatening video messages on the internet almost daily.

FACT: On 9.11 the US Government had a large scale exercise involving a plane being crashed into the World Trade Towers in New York.

FACT: ON 7.7 the UK government had a large scale exercise involving bombs being exploded on the London underground.

FACT: June 6th 2006 is 06/06/06.

FACT: The London Bombing date of 7/7 is 333 days before 06/06/06.

FACT: some fairly wacky sounding information, which may or may not be true, has surfaced about a 'Home Land Security' exercise May 2-4, 2006, rehearsing a response to a WMD attack and building collapse in Downtown Chicago. According to the information, which supposedly comes from named sources in the Illinois National Guard, the exercise will involve State of Illinois civil assets, National Guard assets, Chicago area police assets and hospital assets, all working under Homeland Security.

FACT: Larry Silverstone, who owned the World Trade Towers in New York, destroyed on 9.11 ALSO owns the massive SEARS Tower in Chicago.

All the theories about who did 9.11 are conspiracy theories, including the official US Government version.

FACT: The death of Princess Diana in a tunnel exactly under a masonic bridge, possibly has nothing to do with this at all.

cannabis 'hash stash' found at home of Defence Secretary John Reid

IT COULD BE MEDICAL - or from Afganistan, or Iraq ...or Wales

Police have found cannabis with an estimated street value of 85pence at the home of John Reid, the British Minister of Defence, a well known war campaigner and activist.

Reid, has been a frequent traveller to the middle east, including Iraq, and the Lebanon where much of the world's best quality cannabis is produced.

He is also an associate of British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who's father in law is a famous actor, and self confessed six spliffs a day, cannabis smoker.

More @ 'News of the Weed'

may 1st 2006: the origins of mayday

Some people believe that the celebrations on May Day began with the tree worship of the Druids. Others believe they go back to the spring festivals of ancient Egypt and India.

Anarchists believe they invented it, socialists think it is some kind of workers Christmas, Maggie Thatcher tried to abolish it (as did the Puritans before her), Gordon Brown wants to make it tax free (just joking).

The truth is Mayday is to do with having sex and reproduction, and the celebration of 'solidarity' for families - gangs - cults - mafia organisations - communes - squat dwellers - flatsharers - mortgage payers, pick pockets, and bike thiefs. Everyone wants to celebrate having got through the winter and paid the gas bills.

It's spring!

A Brief History of May Day
By JOHN FORREST, extracted from the Encyclopedia of Religion:
May day is the only major festival of pre-Christian Europe that was not adapted by the Christian church for its own purposes.

Part of a yearly cycle that includes midwinter and harvest celebrations, it stands midway between the long, cold nights of winter and the days of plenty at summers end, e crops, as once thought, but instead is a community expression of hope and joy. The emphasis has always been social solidarity, and not the supernatural or the metaphysical.

Across Europe the key symbol of the day is fresh spring growth, and the general hope is for fecundity. Traditionally, youths spent the eve of May Day in neighbouring woods and awoke the villagers the next morning by visiting each house, singing a traditional carol and bearing garlands of fresh leaves and flowers. Or they might disguise one of their number as Jack-in-the-Green by enshrouding him with a portable bower of fresh greenery. Jack and his followers danced around the town collecting money from passersby for later feasting. In many villages these young people also cut down trees, which they then erected as maypoles in the village centres. Each pole served as a gathering place for community dances and activities.

Traditional dramas enacted on May Day in many European countries commemorated the triumph of summer over winter, while in England the focus was on dancing and pageantry. Youths elected a king and queen of the May to preside over the day's proceedings; sometimes they dressed as Robin Hood and Maid Marian, with members of their entourage representing Friar Tuck, Little John, and Robin's other merry men.

Although the origins of May Day are unknown, what is known of its history is suggestive. The festival is not based on a magical ritual to secure the fertility of the crops, as once thought, but instead is a community expression of hope and joy. The emphasis has always been social solidarity, and not the supernatural or the metaphysical.
More On May Day:

The English and other peoples whom the Romans conquered, developed their May Day festivals from the Roman festival of Floralia. In this festival, held in April, the Romans gathered spring flowers to honour the goddess of springtime, Flora.

In medieval times, May Day became the favourite holiday of many English villages. People gathered spring flowers to decorate their homes and danced around a 'Maypole' or 'Totum', holding the ends of ribbons that streamed from its top. They wove the ribbons around the Maypole until it was covered with bright colours.

Other European countries had their own May Day customs. In some, the day became a time for courting. In Italy, boys serenaded their sweethearts. In Switzerland, a May pine tree was placed under a girl's window. German boys secretly planted May trees in front of the windows of their sweethearts. In the Czech Republic, boys placed Maypoles before their sweetheart's windows at nighttime. In France Day Day did have religious importance. The French considered the month of May sacred to the Virgin Mary. They enshrined young girls as May Queens in their churches. The May queens led processions in honour of the Virgin Mary.

The Puritans frowned on May Day. Far too pagan! For this reason the day has never been celebrated with the same enthusiasm in the United States as in Britain. Never the less in many american towns and cities, children celebrate the return of spring with dancing and singing. Children often gather spring flowers, place them in handmade paper May baskets and hang them on the doornobs of the homes of friends and neighbours on May Day morning. At May Day parties, children select May queens, dance around the Maypole, and sing May Day songs. These festivals often occur in parks or schools.

In 1889 a congress of world Socialist parties held in Paris voted to support the United States labour movement's demands for an eight-hour day. It chose May 1 1990, as a day of demonstrations in favour of the eight hour day. Afterward, May 1st became a holiday called 'Labour Day' in many nations. Government and labour organisations sponsor parades, speeches, and other celebrations to honour working people. The holiday was especially important in Communist countries but has also had special significance for the trades unions and labour movements in Britain and elsewhere. Mrs Thatcher officially abolished May Day as a national holiday in Britain. However this has been largely ignored and there are now calls for its official reintroduction. Every year some kind of labour event is organised in Britain by the 'May Day Committee' which has strong trades union links and has been been going for over 100 years.

Now a world wide movement is growing to re establish May Day as a day for liberation, healing and renewal; a celebration of life in all its forms! Even Mrs Thatcher is invited (if she is not too pissed).

Bibliography: Forrest, John, Morris and Matachin: A Study in Comparative Choreography. Sheffield, England, 1984. Judge, Roy. The Jack-in-the-Green: A May Day Custom. Ipswich, England, 1978.

Friday, April 28, 2006

thc at 10: medical cannabis on the menu at Downing Street and Parliament, 24th May


A "FAMILY" day of medical cannabis action is being planned for Weds 24th May 2006 to raise awareness of the issues and injustices facing medical cannabis users, growers and their friends and relatives in the UK.

An organiser said: "Many thousands of people in Britain are being denied treatment with a effective drug, not because of scientific or medical reasons, but because of bigotry, because the drug is called 'cannabis'. As a consequence it could be you who dies early, or who ends up in a wheel chair unnecessarily, or who suffers pain that can't be treated by other drugs without terrible side effects. Or it could be your Mum or Dad, a child or your grandparents. That is why legalising medical cannabis now is a family issue. Meanwhile the only people who benefit from the continued prohibition of medical cannabis are the companies who supply drugs that don't work as well as cannabis - and funeral directors."

A Petition will be delivered to Downing St at 1pm by a group which includes a Grandmother who self-medicates by adding cannabis to her food (Cannabis Grandma), an MS sufferer, the founder of a clinic dispensing cannabis-based creams and tinctures, an organic medical cannabis grower and a human-rights lawyer.

There will be a Press Conference and Lobby of MP's inside the House of Commons ( 3pm tbc) and a simultaneous Demonstration outside on Parliament Square from 10am to 5pm. Thanks to support from MP's, a meeting room will be available inside Parliament.

Organised by members of the 'Cannabis Trust' - see 'News of The Weed' for more information, daily up dates from now on.

Respect Cannabis - The Law doesn't
The Right To Choose Your Own Medicine

Monday, April 24, 2006

royals meet 'anti war' appeasement protestors

Above: the Queen's uncle (the Duke of Windsor, centre) and his wife (Wallis Simpson) meeting Adolf Hitler in 1937. Edward and his wife were both 'Respect' sympathizers. Wallis Simpson passed militarily sensitive information to Bin Laden during the Third World War. Several younger members of the Royal family secretly supported the 'Anti War Coalition' appeasement campaign. Thankfully the Queen refused to be a traitor to freedom - and the rest is history.

law and order: overthrowing the oppression of crime

There is nothing more oppressive than the jackboots of a gestapo burgler 'commandeering' an old woman's DVD player; for "the cause".

Or the teenage 'hoodie' Ku Klux raider, racist to the core, stealing a bike off an old hippie, a retired social worker, "cos he's a wanker".

Or a deranged crack fiend, pissing in the lift on the way to score, and spending enouph to pay for a years school for a kid in Africa. Or a liberal, probally 'green' leftie trying to excuse it all, and blame it all on the 'pigs' (i.e. the police).

The trendy fashion 'glitterarti' buy up Banksy graffiti posters (the best artist in Britain) to put up in their Nottinghill tory-skunk-smoker fortresses. They enthuse at their violent-pacifist dinner parties in Golders Green, about the "graffiti 'art' revolution". But they would be the first to phone '999' if someone graffited their front door, their pretty garden fence, or the screen of their computer.

The fact is, like everything else, there is graffiti for the rich (clever, witty Banksy as seen in the Independent and Channel 4)) and graffiti for the poor - a load of mess in the lift to go with the smell of urine, and all round the block where you live.

The 'glitterarti' at the 'Glitiardian' and the 'Glitipendent' have been waxing lyrical about the 'erosion of civil liberties' under New Labour; what balloney. All they seem to care about is the liberty of people who call for the holocaust to be revisited on innocent London Transport users and council estate dwellers.

The fact is that the Tories, the Liberals and the fashion victim 'left', abandoned 'law and order' for every day people in housing estates and on the buses years ago.

What they really want is the 'freedom' to snort cocaine up their noses (soaked with the blood of Latin Americans) and, if they are so called 'anarchists', the 'freedom' to loot Oxford Street for consumer goods they could not otherwise afford.

No wonder none of them want ID Cards.

Thankfully we have people in the Labour Party like Tony Blair and Charles Clarke who have the guts to stand up to the fashion victims - and defend the real victims of crime; normal working people.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

earth day: still spinning

woke up this morning, earth still spinning, sun still there, so was the corner shop, got a bottle of wine, bottle opener still works ... lungs still working, air still breathing, sun shining, TV still working, idiots still talking, internet still buzzing, mobile still receiving, starving still dying, families of dead still weeping, radiation still leaking, prisons still filling, rioters still rioting, nurses still caring, cops still busting, sun still exploding, black holes still sucking in everything .... radio still working, BBC still broadcasting, still love my wife, and my son, and my mom (although she is dead), and my dad, and his girlfriend, and my sisters, and my friends, and life is still worth living (despite the Humber Bridge) ...

nepal: how not to do monarchy; violence continues

Above: BBC report from Nepal sent via video phone, viewed on TV via satellite (possibly American), via digital 'Freeview' (in London), photographed via mobile phone camera (3 mobile, Nokia), emailed to 'yahoo' account, downloaded via British Telecom (BT 'broadband'), and then 'posted' by 'schmoo on the run' (obscure london based blog) via ''.

BELIEVE it or not 'schmoo' has an inside link to the Nepalese Royal family! Our source tells us that Nepal's current 'god king'Gyanendra was definately responsible for the mass slaughter of the royal family five years ago.

Gyanendra managed to set up the Crown Prince Dipendra for the murders, when in fact it was him! Prince Dipendra was cast as a cannabis smoking 'crazy'. Nepal is famous for the excellent quality of hashish it exports, mainly to the flesh pots of Europe.

Now it looks like the Maoists, who are mainly teenage adolesents who want ipods, could take over the country.

However many Nepalese, who are an educated and sophisticated people (despite the wide spread believe that the Monarch is a reincarnation of the Hindu god Vishnu), want a constitutional monarchy, with the main power in the hands of Parliament - as in Britain and other successful European societies.

Many people believe the pretender King Gyanendra and his playboy son Prince Paras (otherwize known as 'Parasite' and blamed for several nightclub brawls and two fatal hit and run driving incidents), will be on an Indian military helicopter ride out of the country in the very near future.

The only question is how many potential ipod customers will have to die before that happens.

Nepal: a perfect example of what happens when the Monarchy loses the support of the voters.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

war on bloggers: apple eats the mouths that feed it

Above: Bite by bite apple eats the mouths that feed it. A crazy court case in the US against bloggers is making Apple look like a Lemon.

Apple is arguing that bloggers are not real "legitimate members of the press", therefore they should be denied normal 'freedom of the press' rights - like the right to refuse to disclose their sources.

It seems Steve Jobs at Apple Computers, a front company for the 'Alien Intelligence Software Corporation', may have lost the plot. Inside sources say he hates psychic bloggers who have been writing about Apple products before they are officially announced.

Jobs refuses to believe the bloggers are psychic, and actually believes that the information comes from leaks at Apple research and development bases on the Moon and Mars. Now he is trying to force the bloggers to reveal their sources through the courts on Earth.

He thinks bloggers writing about Apple products, usually in a friendly way, giving free publicity read by millions of people, could be costing the company millions.


EFF stands up for online journalists' rights in Apple v. Does by ZDNet's Jason D. O'Grady -- Case has broad implications for journalists and confidentiality of sources...

Even more at PR. Diffrently and Agile Buzz Forum

Friday, April 21, 2006

Queen's 80th Birthday: God Save The Queen - Britain's Dali Lama

GOD Save The Queen - the Holy Woman of Britain, Tribal Leader, Witch Doctor, Herbal Healer of the People, Mother of All Mothers, the Face on the Fiver, Englands Best Football Manager, Madonna of Westminster, Christmas Speach Guru, Pagan Princess, Grandma Poet, West End Girl, Punker than Punk, The Unknown Raver, Friend of the Homeless, Back Room Operator, Worldwide Revolutionary, Special Agent, Bigger than the Beatles, Peace Maker, Anti War Activist, Defender of All Faiths, the Acceptable Face of Monarchy, better than the Pope; she's Britain's Dali Lama, and One Special Lady.

Above & Below: The Queen's 'Safe House' (Buckingham Palace) on her 80'th Birthday. Some mean minded people want to evict her and her family from their Westminster council house, but it won't happen because Britain is a Welfare State, and that includes everyone, including the Royal Family, plus we need the extra tourist cash and worldwide royalties the 'Monarchy Show' brings in.

It is so telling that the Fascist BNP (British 'National' Party) shares with the equally unpopular and unpleasant 'Socialist Actors Party', the 'Yuppitistas' (so called 'Anarchists'), Guardian Writers and Fundamentalist 'Green' Year Zeroists, their small minded, anti monarchist, anti democratic, anti freedom, pro mob rule embitterments, while the rest of the country cheers the Queen, and the future King Charles III, where ever they go.

Above: Coolest Software Queen - she was doing email before most people on the internet were born, much less blogging, and through the 'Common Wealth' has helped the poorest people in the world get online.

Above and below: friendly minders at the queen's safe house (Buckingham Palace). "The Tourists love it and the Monarchy brings in way more cash than it costs - excellent value for money." (Which Ruler Magazine)

The 'Monarchy Show' - best soap opera ever, starring 'The Queen', continues tomorrow. This is one program the BBC will never take off, despite protests from the Mary Whitehouse brigade.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

peak oil pandemic: how many miles per gallon can you go? Answer: as many as you can afford.

Above: A 'Total' petrol station, central London, yesterday. Peak oil = total rip off.

FUEL rationing has started in Britain, as oil prices go up again in the latest 'peak media' Iranian 'oil flu' scare.

Oil companies profits are expected to go pandemic. The rich won't care, but the worker ants will just have to pay more to crawl in jams to work, listening to radio stations called 'Capital Radio', and 'Fools FM'. Essentially the fuel increases amount to a massive cut in wages, and a huge tax increase.

Millions of British bloated consumers will be forced to tighten their over priced designer belts, and only spend £40 a week on mind constricting drugs instead of £80. Crack-sugar and fat 'corner-shop' dealers are expected to be hit hard.

Meanwhile the occupation (by cars) continues, despite mounting casualties from suicide drivers who are targeting fundamentalist bicycle riders in an attempt to start a civil war.

A UN peace keeping coalition force (London Transport) lead by Ken Livingstone is struggling to keep control of the capital.

But their courageous struggle is being undermined by misguided foreign 'pollution' campaigners who are calling for a total withdrawal of all buses and underground trains, and by people who only use Taxi's and personal helicoptors.

Peugeot 'Karma': what happens when you make cars in China instead of Britain? You are doomed

Above: The 'Made in China' Peugeot 'Elysee' - recalled because of electrical faults.

The thousands of victims of the Peugeot double-cross in Ryton may be pleased to know what will be happening to the company that dumped them; it is doomed to fail, especially now that it has dispenced with their services.

China Daily reports that Peugeot is recalling about 20,000 cars made in China because of an electrical fault.

This is the 12th time this year that cars made in China have been recalled because of a problem. The case is the second-largest recall by volume.

Thats 'karma' for you!

* Hop Away Plan Twarted: Meanwhile the canny Ryson car workers have refused the offer of an immediate 'all out strike' put forward by the 'union' bosses who have worked hand in glove with the French multinational corporation for years. A strike would have saved the company a fortune - now they will have to negotiate a generous redundancy settlement - the last thing the hop away frogs wanted. As one worker said leaving the meeting with the union scab bosses: "They never helped us before, and they won't be helping us now."

• Wham and Run: British 'rock-cock-up' hero George Michael knows what to do to a Peugeot in support of the Ryton workers - smash in to it. He is now being quized by British cops for hiting a Peugeot 204 with his Range Rover 'Vogue', damaging two other cars - and driving away. Just proves Range Rovers are better than Peugrots.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Easter Uprising: Donald Rumsfeld to go - on going to stay

An 'Easter Uprising' by six retired US Generals failed today after George Bush managed to regain control of key radio and TV installations and announced that Donald Rumsfeld was going - to stay.

In a amzingly frank interview with Dubai-based Al Arabiya television Rumsfeld said he would to go on 'pleasuring' the president. "I intend to serve the president at his pleasure," he said. Bush described Rumsfeld as "energetic", and said he still "wanted" him.

Meanwhile Human Rights Watch said Rumsfeld could be criminaly liable for the torture of a detainee at Guantanamo Bay in late 2002 and early 2003,

"The question at this point is not whether Secretary Rumsfeld should resign, it's whether he should be indicted," said Joanne Mariner, Terrorism and Counterterrorism Program director at Human Rights Watch.

A US Army Inspector General's report, obtained by this week, contains a sworn statement by Lt. Gen. Randall M. Schmidt that implicates Secretary Rumsfeld in the abuse of detainee Mohammad al-Qahtani. Based on an investigation that he carried out in early 2005, which included two interviews with Rumsfeld, Gen. Schmidt describes the defense secretary as being "personally involved" in al-Qahtani's interrogation.

• Condoleeza Rice may be involved in the uprising against Rumsfeld! is reporting that Condoleeza clashed with Rumsfeld and Cheney over thier plot to use an Iraqi based rightwing terrorist 'death squad' known as Mujahedeen-e Khalq (MEK) to cause 'strife' in Iran - as part of a build up to a full scale war. A UN official told "We are already at war". MEK is suspected of being behind recent bomb blasts in the south of Iran.

'Love At the Top' The Facts: Jack Straw loves Condoleeza - but she loves Bush - but Bush loves Cheney - but Cheney does not know the meaning of love

'the left' - an estate agent's report

The Left is Dead, Long Live the Left

The 'Euston Manifesto' is sweeping the Uk blogosphere, and rightly so. As reported on schmoo before, the state of 'the left' housing estate has slid into appalling disrepair. Below is an estate agents personal report on the main buildings:

I like fresh air, but 'the left' of which I have always felt a part, has been a filthy, unkempt and smelly place for way too long. It needs a good clear out and a total refit. The electrics are dangerous (half the lights won't switch on); the ceiling is almost falling in, and you can't see out most of the windows because the so called 'anarchists' have broken them and they are just boarded up. The decor is incredibly old fashioned and the furniture is so worn out you wonder if it is safe to sit on, and there is blood on the carpets. I went in the toilets - what a state! There's more blood all over the walls and the most stupid graffiti (except for one good Banksy). And then, when I suggested doing a bit of cleaning up, and renovation work, half the people there at the time (which was not many) said I have gone 'right wing' - how dare they! That really annoyed me - after all they are the real conservatives.

Sign the Euston Manifesto - and join the real revolution

* See 'History Of the Left - So left They are Backwards'

Thursday, April 13, 2006

children's rights: real fathers 4 justice in easter crucifixion protest

LONDON: The beautiful, sexy even, Westminster Abby, holy site of London, got special visitors today in the name of the 'Real Fathers for Justice'. They get their name from the 'Real IRA' but they are a lot nicer; i.e. they don't kill people, they just want to be good fathers.

The law is stacked against fathers, especially if they get suckered by nature, and have sex, without condoms (or the condom breaks), and they neglect doing the paperwork (getting married) - then they discover what being really ****ed means! They will have far less rights than the mother, especially if they start arguing with her. The two activists involved in this current protest say they have not been allowed to see their children for 4 years.

Above: This is a 'Real Father For Justice', he's got emotions, he can cry... he's got a lot of problems, but he cares enouph to be in front of Westminster Abby when he could be in the pub.

Above: Jesus was a homeless, single parent kid. Slag the dads off for stinking of booze, being right wing assholes and threatening violence if you want, and it's often the truth, but they are still dads, and their kids deserve justice; they deserve a dad, who ever he is.


The campaign group the Real Fathers for Justice today targeted the church stating:

“Crucified By The State, Ignored By The Church”

Easter is a time for Christians to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ Son of God, a man known for his deep respect of his father.
Easter is another annual day marked by family tradition, for many these family celebrations are far too often painful reminders of the loss and pain suffered by families torn apart by divorce and separation.

This is why The Real Fathers for Justice calls upon the church to no longer turn a blind eye or remain silent on such a fundamental foundation of our society.

The 5th commandment asks us to promise to honour thy father and thy mother while the government continues to devalue parenthood and in particular fatherhood. The catholic and protestant churches sit back and does little to encourage that Gods 5th commandment should be obeyed.

Real Fathers for Justice has resurrected its campaign which will see fathers putting their lives and liberty in jeopardy for the sake of their children.

Real Fathers for Justice demand that both parents be as equal in family law as they are in the eyes of God. We call for equal parenting laws to respect the rights of children to be parented by both parents. The campaign group seeks acknowledgement and support for such parenting rights.

* schmoo also likes Babies For Justice

9.11 conspiracy: what hit the pentagon?

THIS is one persuasive bit of 'flash' programing. Check it out.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

mercy missions: the 'flying politician' service

Above: Tony Blair waiting for the Queens Flight, - now it may be sponsored by Richard Budson's 'Budways' Airlines.

You have probably heard of the 'Flying Doctor' which rushes children bitten by snakes in the outback of Australia to hospital, but you may not have heard of the 'Flying Politician' service.

Top British politicians like Tony Blair and Gordon Brown have been running the special service for years - and they have been too modest to tell anyone.

The life saving service rushes politicians like Gordon Brown to Brussels for meetings - it means he can spend more minutes with his new born child, and devote more time to saving the world from poverty.

Selfless Environment Secretary Margaret Beckett, also volunteers for the 'Queens Flight' on a regular basis, using RAF aircraft to fly her from East Midlands airport, near her home in Derby, on government 'save the planet' trips to discuss global warming, and the destruction of the ozone layer.

Saving no expense, Tony Blair has spent £1.2 million on 677 'mercy missions' since 1997, including family holidays abroad, and visiting unfairly deposed Italian charity worker Berlusconi, who was recently a victim of the wasting disease 'democracy', but is bravely refusing to accept defeat.

schmoo writes: attacks by the right wing press on New Labour politicians regarding their use of the Queens Flight are 50% unfair. The Tories, lead by John Major spent £3 million more on RAF flights in 1996/97 than Tony Blairs mob. Flying Gordon Brown and 5 of his hangers on to Brussels costs £1,300; going by EuroStar in standard class would cost about £1,750. Also all New Labour mercy flights are 'carbon offset' - by building environmental golf cources in Eritrea. A statement from Mrs Beckett, Environment Minister, said it was entirely reasonable for aircraft to pick her up from near her home - "especially if it was on a Monday morning". Absolutely right; monday mornings are crap..

nuclear sex: tit wank guide in new mens mag for women

Believe it or not it used to be hard to rent a room in london as a couple if you were not married, but now our 'Blogging Brits' neighbour 'bibliotrip' is reporting that there's a magazine for women, called 'Scarlet', that gives a guide on doing the perfect tit-wank:
No longer do women only have access to information about how to tell if your boyfriend's cheating on you, and whether you've found the right man for you. They can now find out how to give the perfect tit-wank and revel in the plethora of vibrator ads.
schmoo rushed out to get it, but no one had it - must be good!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

london safe house news: security clamp down

Above: Minder with a gun at 10 Downing Street - it's not fair, schmoo wants one.

Security at the 'schmoo' london safe house is really bad. The post man managed to get in this morning with a tax demand from Gordon Brown ... well actually it was 1pm because the post office have given up doing morning deliveries.

The hoodies upstairs let him in so they could steal the GIRO's, but the little creeps left all the bills.

Apparently every time someone in Britain puts a first class stamp on an envelope and remembers to post it, if they can find a post box, it costs the post office 5 pence. The 'Royal Mail' makes all their money off 100 customers; the government sending out dole cheques and tax demands, and 99 postal 'junk mail' spammers. The rest of us can get the bird flu, or be 'peak oil' victims for all they care.

It's been a bad week; after schmoo's JUDAS post the telephone went dead, but the broad band kept on going! Apparently this is a sure sign that the British Telecom (BT MI5) are putting in a new bug.

Then the Zanussi washing machine went crazy. The artificial intelligence 'fuzzy logic' went loopy, and the Zanussi started spinning backwards. Humanity is doomed - the guarantee on life on earth ran out two months ago. Got a techie friend to look at it; the parts cost £150 + £65 minimum call out, and and new one, perfectly priced, costs £399.

And we got the Italian election all wrong: bet the price of a bag of 'skunk' ('cannabis', 'marijuana', 'weed') on Berlusconi losing but 'Paddy Power' still won't pay out because it ain't settled yet. Now almost hoping Berlusconi will win because Prodi is so boring; typical 'do gooder' left winger - he is too nice for good sex.

Scooped the 'Guardian' on the 'US to Nuke Iran' story but it did not do any good. Bush sounded rattled on the BBC world service - "It's wild speculation' he kept on saying - so we know it must be true.

One of our body guards (Terry) said; "don't worry mate, he won't do it" (drop a nuclear bomb on Iran), but another one (the guy with the cross bow) said 'Yes he would." Wonder what the Duke of Edinburgh is thinking - we never hear anything from him, since Princes Diana was murdered.

Now the drains are blocked. Westminster Council have privatized the plumber - he's in Ibeza on ecstasy, ketamine, weed, bulls blood, viagra, coffee, tea, beer, wine, chips and more viagra.

Meanwhile had to chase the hoddies off - they really want to be hippies and tried to steal the bike, bloody environmentalists.

Monday, April 10, 2006

final destruction of the amazon rainforest planned

TO: Sr. Nestor Kirchner, President of Argentina, Sr. Luis Inacio Lula da Silva, President of Brazil, and Sr. Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela.

Dear Presidents,

I am writing to express grave concerns about plans by Venezuela, Brazil and Argentina to build a massive natural gas pipeline through Brazil's Amazon rainforest. The pipeline would pierce the heart of the Amazon and ensure its destruction as a large, operable whole. It would devastate rainforests, water resources, the climate and indigenous populations across a huge swathe of South America.

The pipeline is economically questionable. Both Brazil and Argentina have gas fields large enough to cover their own domestic demands, it is not clear that Venezuela has the capacity to maintain such a large steady supply of gas, nor that the gas could be offered at a competitive price given the huge investment required.

The similar existing Camisea gas pipeline through rainforests in Peru - which was touted as a model of sustainable development, environmental protection and respect for indigenous peoples - offers a cautionary tale of the damage caused by gas pipelines during construction and their operation. In three years of operation is has already experienced five major spills, severely damaging the environment and local communities.

Given that the proposed pipeline is both economically and ecologically unsustainable, I call upon your governments to immediately cancel planning for its construction.

yours faithfully, schmoo

Below are email addresses of the three Presidents main offices. They don't want to hear from you, but screw 'em (or go to the Amazon Rain Forest Portal to use an automated emailing set up, which may not work. Also they go on about 'neo-liberalism' as if it was fascism, when it's just people wanting to watch TV - although almost as bad for sure).




Hey Chavez! Que pasa? Chinga! Estoy hasta la madre!

bird flu hype: fowl! It's not what you think - it's worse.

Phew! We can relax, it is all a conspiracy after all and bird flu is just a big hype to cover up the .... total break down of the environment and the end of the world.

After schmoo's 'panic posts' about bird flu we have received a pandemic of press releases from fans of the author of 'Fowl', Dr. Sherri J Tenpenny - and a link to her great website (we especially like the animation of a freaking chicken - check it out!).

"FOWL!" is an investigative report into how dioxins, POPs and other environment chemicals are contributing to illness in migratory birds, chickens and humans by making them more susceptible to the effects of influenza viruses.

The avian flu scare is just the latest act in an ongoing world government drama. This book is a disclosure about betrayals on many levels. Here are a few of the truths that will be exposed: - Who wants the rural chickens dead? Who benefits from the destruction of the family farm, here and abroad? - What are the real reasons that domestic chickens and ducks are sick? - What is the connection between toxic environmental conditions and the death ofmigratory birds? - Why are human deaths associated with bird flu concentrated in Southeast Asia? - Who benefits from the manufacture of a 'pandemic vaccine'? What's in it? - Why vaccines are not the answer.
Check their very scary website - it's more scary than bird flu, guaranteed.

• Dr. Sherri J Tenpenny, author of 'FPWL!' will be a guest for a three hour LIVE interview on Coast-to-Coast AM with George Noory on Tuesday night, April 11. The interview will be from 11p-2aPST (2a to 5aEST on Wednesday morning.) Check

schmoo adds: Some people seem to think 'the elite' are behind the bird flu. Of course the 'bird flu' would be perfect for 'the elite' to wipe out most of the population of the planet very quickly and cheaply - concentration camps are way too expensive to be practical, as Hitler discovered.

However it could get boring if too many people died - not enouph slaves for example. Plus TV would get worse (i.e. soap operas would only have one or two characters).

Still at least there would be no wars, as there would be no one to fight them - bad for employment and the industrial military complex though. Also no factory workers in Asia to make luxury electronic goods for 'the elite'.

Question: if most of the worlds population is dead how could 'the elite' be 'the elite' anymore? There would be nobody left to be elitist over. They'd all be 'equals' - sounds like communism! Does this mean the 'the elite' are communists, or even anarchists? George Bush for example, seems more like an anarchist than a communist - but maybe he is not really part of 'the elite' because they are ment to be clever, unless he is just pretending to be stupid as cover which is possible (i.e. really his 'gaffs' are all scripted, and he screwed up the invasion of Iraq and New Orleans and is threatening Iran on purpose, just to put up the price of oil).

italian election: Berlusconi set to lose, bookies to win, in best bet logo vote

EXIT polls (sondaggi elezioni) just released say the right wing Berlusconi will be voted out of power in a blow to Mussolini devotees, but boosting the influence of online bookmakers as gamblers are proved right.

Berlusconi, whose center right coalition includes Neo-Fascists pretending to be right wing Tories, once said that Mussolini "Wasn't that bad".

In Italy, sensible but technologically flawed electoral law bans opinion polls two weeks before polling day. However this just means that the odds at online book makers like 'Paddy Power' can influence an election - and it looks like the odds were right.

As the Italians started voting yesterday, Paddy Power had Prodi 2-9 favourite and Berusconi quoted at 11-4. Meanwhile over at 'Betfair' Prodi had 1-5 odds and Berlusconi was 4-1.

Reutors is reporting that gamblers had placed £200,000 on Prodi, but just £70,000 on Berusconi. Paddy Power says they will make 10-15,000 euros if the center-left candidate Prodi wins.


• Anyone who still believes that proportional representation, which guarantees representation to fascists, racists, the Green Party and Mingers, is a good idea, should try downloading the Italian 'Ministero dell'Interno' web-page listing the logos of all the parties taking part in the election. It's designer politics gone mad. There are so many obscure party logos, it takes about 5 minutes to download the page - on broadband! May the best logo win.

iran: bush says "saving iran" will be his legacy

Get your war supplies now - George Bush is on the crack pipe again ... and he is getting delusions of grandeur. Seems he is telling his hangers on he is going to 'save' iran. Start World War Three more like so he won't have to pay his credit card debts - typical junkie. China will be sending in the bailiffs.

Sunday, April 9, 2006

immigration: bush calls for fence to come down round area 51

Above: The fence at Area 51.

It is not often we agree with US President Bush (except about the war in Iraq, and the fact that the sky is really green) but his position on immigration is correct; let the aliens in legally, after all they are already here.

Also we need their technology and a few extra hands. It's time to bring down the fences.

schmoo says: Six months ago on the mexican border they demolished a third of the houses in a mexican village because they were used to shelter illegal immigrants. Just another crime against humanity. Yet the US economy would collapse if Mexican 'illegals' did not continue to be available to work. Apartheid is alive and well and living in America - and so is slavery. You can see it especially strongly in places like Texas, and California where Mexicans do the majority of the hard work and get paid far less than everyone else. It is disgusting to see.

Huge demonstrations are going on in America to end this outrage, and stop new laws that would make things even worse. But the powers that be racist-facist-pigs in america-klux-klan are very powerful. We can expect a massive fight, and possibly violence, because there has been a lid on this problem for years.
America's strength was being the melting pot of the world - judging by the way they are treating their immigrants now, no wonder they have been going down hill for years.

Now America can't even invade a country successfully - how ironic that so many Americans want to stop immigration, yet the same people support the invasion of Iraq! And virtually all of them are immigrants, or the decedents of immigrants. What rotten apple pie hypocrisy.

positive news: paris hiltons new record is "Not as bad as expected"

schmoo has been 100% wrong about Paris Hilton; we unreservedly apologise for our previous unfair and offensive attack on her political correctness.

Previously we have been anti-hilton but our political analysis has been flawed in this case; she could be a great singer/performer! In fact she could be better than Madonna.

One music critic said "It's fun music, it's danceable, with elements of Johnny Rotten, a little Gary Glitter, the sincerity of Bono and the presence of Pavaroti." Wow!

Soon cross dressers and transvestites who previously looked to Madonna for their fashion guidance will be all looking like the beautiful Paris Hilton. This is what makes human civilisation different from the aliens - we got style.

According to the authorative 'Bosh' gossip blog (recommended), the ever modest Paris Hilton says; 'I always had a great voice' - and she is right; we could hear her right across the Atlantic.

• schmoo says - "It is easy to poke fun at poor Paris Hilton for being a rich air head, but a normal rich chick would not work as hard as Paris Hilton does; she would just be lying on a beach. Instead Paris is working hard trying to find her place in the world - she has as much right to do that as anyone else. And she has got a brain; she knows about cannabis candy! We like her, and she could be really talented. Everyone has got a talent, but it is not easy finding it, even if you are very rich. She can come and record in the schmoo studio anytime she is in london, and that is genuine. Good luck to her.

london cares: "don't beg off the beggers" campaign launched by westminster council

Above: An 'out of order' Westminster Council beggar robot 'meter maid'; 'aggressive begging' at it's worst say selfish, filthy, car owners who want a free lunch.

Londoners are being asked to stop "begging off the beggars" by Westminster Council in their 'Killing With Kindness' campaign. It has been dubbed 'out of order' by homeless charity 'Forgotten My Address' which helps drugs users who forget where they live, and become unintentionally homeless.

A spokesperson for Westminster Council said "It's just not fair to ask these beggars for money - they have got habits to support. It is kinder to be cruel and give them as much cash as you can - that increases the chance of them killing themselves."

Mr Bin Laden of 'Forgotten My Address' (FA), said this advice was "out of order" and argued that asking beggars for money increased their sense of self worth. "You can make their day just asking them for the price of a double expresso - or even a smoothie. They can't afford it, but what Westminster Council does not understand is that giving is receiving!"

FA is supported by the positive thinking religious organisation FATWA (Fuck All To Worry About).

Meanwhile the editor of the 'Big Tissue' which guilt ridden Londoners can buy to mop up their crocodile tears regarding the serious homeless problem amongst genuine working class people from the North who dream of being successful 'Middle Class Southern Anarchists', billionaire DJ's squatting in Brixton, or Greed Party Candidates said: "Don't give to beggars, buy our 'Big Tissue' - then you can be really sure you are not helping anyone".

schmoo says: homelessness is a serious problem and no one should laugh about it. Thankfully the likes of the 'New Tory' Westminster Council are doing everything they can. Hey! Don't laugh!

Saturday, April 8, 2006

Rolling Stones in China: lets spend the end of the world together

Above: Mick Jagger, portrait by Ronnie Wood (photo: Debs Elemental).

No doubt some people will be slagging the Rolling Stones off for being 'Shanghaied' by their censorious Chinese hosts who have banned the lyrics of five of their best known songs.

However it appears that the Chinese are just trying to keep up with the Joneses - their American competitors in capitalism, bigotry and worldwide pollution. When the Chinese discovered the touchy Americans had banned 'Start Me Up' they immediately added it to their list.

Meanwhile the real obscenity continues: the Chinese economic rape of everything natural and beautiful in the pursuit of their domination of the cheap tat market worldwide, and the destruction of life on earth.

The Chinese don't want to hear 'lets spend the night together' because there may only be night soon at the rate they are destroying the planet.

This is the real porn; global anal and a chinese blow job.

No doubt there will be the usual comments about the Rolling Stones being 'rock dinosaurs' and 'bread heads' and the like, from the politically correct brigade. How ageist they are!

What about all those great blues and jazz artists that go on till they are 80+? The Rolling Stones are musicians pure and simple - and musicians like to play music, there is no age limit!

As for the boring, small minded argument that the Stones are 'bread heads'... this usually comes from the very same type of people who romantically go on about the miners and the dockers. These were the real 'dinosaurs' - a bunch of sexist, racist, sun reading, ... bread heads, who hated hippies and gays and black people and selfishly went on strike at the drop of a hat, despite being the best paid workers in the country.

The political whiners claim to be 'politically correct', but really they are politically inept. Their view of the world is so blinkered they can't see that bands like the Stones employ thousands of people in much better working conditions than the miners ever had, and contribute hundreds of millions to the economy. Not only do they contribute massively to paying for the great welfare state, nurses uniforms and hostels for the homeless, they spread a progressive, 'laid back' cultural message where ever they go. That is why it is good they are in China.

Meanwhile their neo-leftie/facist bigoted detractors, bleating 'ideologically unsound' as they go, would almost certainly ban the Rolling Stones completely, and put them in a camp given half a chance, for being too 'liberal'. No doubt we would all be forced to listen to nothing but Billy Bragg, 'worthy' folk music and repetative beats in their 'cultural revolution' of politically correct musical bigotry. Thankfully they will get no satisfaction.

informer news: Jesus set up Judas in holy 'sting'

Judas - the most reviled police informer in history may in fact have been innocent and was in fact 'set up' by Jesus Christ to take the blame for an 'assisted bust' so that Jesus could become more famous than John Lennon.

It is even possible that it was Judas who really wrote the plot of the Da Vinci Code; an English court ruled yesterday that Mary Magdalene and Jesus were not the authors of the 'Holy Blood and the Holy Period'.

The 'Gospel of Judas' was discovered in an egyptian cave in 1978. Biblical scholars have spent the last five years piecing together the fragments of papyrus and translating the text.

The Guardian quotes Jesus from the transalation of the 'Gospel of Judas': "You will be cursed by the other generations - and you will come to rule over them."

schmoo has a terrifying theory: Judas is reincarnated as rock traitor Bono, whose 'you'r in the red forever' credit card is taking over the world.

If you want proof of the Bono - Judas connection, check out the National Geographic Channel which will be showing a documentary about the 'Gospel of Judas' on Sunday at 9pm. The main ad on the site where you can exclusively download the full text of the Gospel is for Bono's 'red devil' credit card.

Above: The well known exhibitionist Jesus Christ surfing on water. Illustrations from Gerhard Haderer's satirical book 'The Life of Jesus', which got him busted for blasphemy and sentenced to six months jail in Greece last year.

Friday, April 7, 2006

bird flu: birds ignore government health warnings

Above: Spring is in the air - snogging parrot swingers in New York ignore health warnings as bird flu hits Britain.

LONDON: The famous pigeons of London are unusually quiet, and some may already be evacuating the city as the media spreads panic amongst the human population.

A government pigeon spokesman appealed for calm; "Don't turn a drama in to a crisis", he said, dropping shit on those who claim the 'crisis' is a scam organized by Donald Robbersfeld (otherwise known as the parrot US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld who is squabbling with parrot Condoleezza Rice).

It has been confirmed today that pigeons can catch bird flu despite previous government denials. Domestic cats are also in danger as they kill huge numbers of birds, and have been known to die of the virus, which is constantly mutating to be able to infect different spicies. So far few humans have died but this may only be part of the virus's strategy - it avoids killing at first in order to be able to spread, and learn more about the weakness of it's prey. Thousands of humans may have already been infected by the virus 'in disguise' thinking they just had a nastly flu.

H5N1 is still in the intelligence gathering phase before Iran is attacked; the bombing campaign and the land war are yet to come.

* Picture from the excellent A Web Site About the Wild Parrots of Brooklyn

Thursday, April 6, 2006

fraud crime: UK banks rob customers in illegal charges scam

Shares in the leading UK banks fell sharply yesterday after a ruling by the 'Office of Fair Trading' which declared bank charges of £20-£30 for late payments were "illegal".

The banks have been raking in up to £2 billion a year in the massive fraud.

Customers who take the banks to the small claims courts generally win their money back. Stephen Hone, a law student and member of the Bank Action Group is about to get a 'test case' ruling at the High Court against the Alliance & Lecicester, Barclays, Co-Op Bank, Halifax, Bank of Scotland, HSBC, Lloyds TSB, Nationwide and Nat West.

schmoo wrote this poem a few years ago after being robbed in a bank by a bank:

Close the Banks

Close the banks, and repeal the slavery laws,
it's your money and your life.

Close the banks, before they make summer too expensive,
before spring is extinct.

Close the banks, they are a Vampire Death Cult,
Drakula is alive and well, in a branch near you.

Close the banks, and 'abolish capital punishment;
the people have always been punished by capital'.

Close the banks, 'their' capital is our time on earth,
the amassed toil of generations, stolen without pity,
we have enough laundries that don't work.

Close the banks, the Politicians Pimps,
the Multinational Vandals,
the Stooges of the Rate of the Dollar.
They make deals with genocidal murderers.

Close the banks, and open your hearts!
The money has all gone, so join the real economy

Close the Banks, this is one debt we owe ourselves.

H5N1 bird flu: swan crash lands in Scotland: big boost for vegetarianism: pigeons will not be culled

COBRA - the British governments national emergency committee will be meeting today after a dead swan was found floating in a harbour in Fife, Scotland.

The police have admitted that the bird was found a week ago, but the information was suppressed until now. Presumably this was done in the interests of chicken factory and supermarkets owners who hope to be made Lords.

Locals say the dead swan had been floating in the harbour area for days "washing in and out with the tide" and had been seen being pecked by sea gulls. There is a large bird santuary 5 miles off shore. After tests confirmed that HSN1 killed the swan the authorities admitted that 14 other dead birds are being tested.

The BBC radio program 'Farmer's Today' reports that police have sealed off a 10 kilometer zone around the beach. They reported that the "only good news" was that there are no major poultry farms in the area. This has turned out to be untrue - they are nine chicken farms in the area.

The national emergency plan involves stopping all movement of poultry but the massive chicken factory farm industry has been lobbying against this. They want the same policy as with the foot and mouth crisis - which allowed the disease to travel all over the country.

The farmer's 'Buy Chicken Today' slogan is likely to be ignored in Britain where the mental disease 'Food Fear' is already epidemic. Apparently you can only get bird flu (H5N1), if you are in "close proximity" to dead birds: super market 'chicken areas' are likely to be deserted.

'Free Range' and 'Organic' chickens and eggs look set to re marketed as 'Free Range Insiders' (or something like that).

The blitz spirit remains strong in London however, despite the foreign threat to the famous British Breakfast. There are no plans to cull the capitals massive population of pigeons - described as 'flying rats' by the Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone a well known pigeon hater.

DEFRA the government department dealing with the bird flu crisis has told schmoo that "pigeons can't catch bird flu". Of course this must be true.

Every other type of bird has caught the killer virus so why not pigeons? Even cats have caught it in Germany so it has learned to spread to other animals.

So why not pigeons? The only hope is that the 'flying rats' have got so many other diseases there is no room aboard for another - some hope.

The government line is 'Don't Panic' - more soon (after we have done some panic buying)

new free lottery: if you don't play, you can't lose; everyone is a winner

MATHEMATICIANS have calculated that you have more chance of winning the lottery than catching bird flu (unless you are in Scotland) - but now you can play the lottery that everyone wins!

It's the schmoo lottery, sponsored by schmoogle the psychic search engine.

The normal lottery claims that "If you don't play you can't win". Well, with the schmoo lottery, sponsored by schmoogle - if you don't play, you can't lose; everyone is a winner!

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

football: the perfect socio-economic metaphor for real life

Latest betting advice: Blackburn, Aston villa, Bolton, West Ham and Newcastle fans – start watching Rugby… (sorry our american readers may not understand a word of the following analysis of the situation):

schmoo generally wants the downtrodden to rise, the working classes to toast the aristo’s, the South to ‘out market’ the North, Open-source to triumph over Microsoft.

Consider the plight of the lesser teams of the English Premiership:

Like it or not, outside the big five of Spurs (Yes Spurs), Chelski, Arsenal, Liverpool and Man U, nobody has a shot for the foreseeable and, in odd contrast with the 'schmoo' attitude to the world outside football, that’s the way we like it.

Basis for this will have to wait, although it’s obvious …

schmoo is interested here in why it is that the majority of football fans seem to have a mindset in reverse of the schmoo.

You think that the free market is a great thing; you love Britain because it’s such a meritocracy; you think that if a person is poor it’s because they didn’t work hard enough.

And yet you piss and moan about how unfair it is that Roman ‘The Ruble’ Abramovich can buy success for Chelsea, and how such a gulf between the best and the rest ‘ruins’ football.

Many of you would like to see the governing bodies do something to level the playing field; salary caps for players is often talked about so that the top teams wouldn’t be able to monopolise the best players.

You cry in horror at the notion of the G14 splitting off into a European Cup with guaranteed entry for the top teams (which even schmoo thinks is going a bit far).

You hate seeing Spurs do well this season, because you enjoyed watching them stutter for all those years.

You say it’s because they have delusions of grandeur, but it’s their grandeur that makes you hate them, and our (did schmoo let that slip), belief that our glorious history entitles us to our place at the top.

Manchester United; no room in football for corporations you say, their success is based on history and marketing not football, what a scandal.

You sit there with the 'Daily Mail' or the 'Sun' in your hand; one minute you’re criticising people on the dole, the next you’re salivating about the latest 3rd division team to go bankrupt.

Does the schmoo need to spell out what we are saying? If so, you’ll have to wait, because 'schmoo' is finishing ‘work’ now, and has a train to catch.

Just consider the fact that football is the perfect socio-economic metaphor for real life.

cold war 3: china v USA yankee paper tigers; showing now!

Dateline Venezuela: Top rapper President Chavez of Venezuela is hitting it to the Bush loving Yankees on the BBC, but China is the record company manager.

You heard it first from schmoo:
Cold War Three is well under way. The Chinese have taken over Africa and Latin America. Iraq was the USA move against the invasion of the Congo.

The Chinese make Uncle Sam look like Oxfam; all they care about is bucks; fuck human rights, fuck the environment, fuck you - and thats the Chinese being liberal. They got consentration camps selling body parts to the highest bidder.

Meanwhile all those hippies talking about 'peak oil' ; they all full of hemp seeds! There is enouph oil just in Venezuela to last till 2201 at least:
"In the future Venezuela won't have any more oil - but that's in the 22nd Century" - Hugo Chazez
• More on Cold War Three soon from our real expert - watch this space (and get your emergency food-drugs-porn-condoms supplies now).

direct action: 'click against a git' campaign - drugs, sex, football, anarchy

AS you probally know the 'blogosphere' is populated by large numbers of racist, facist, nazi loonies who get millions of hits.

'Schmoo On the Run' is listed against them and currently stands at no 150 out of thousands but the fascist, George Bush loving, wannabe consentration guards, and fake anarchists are still ahead!

But you can make a difference: you can 'CLICK AGAINST A GIT' by hitting 'schmoon on the run' on a daily basis. Bookmarx this revolution now!

You don't have to read our exclusive drugs sex football analysis of world events, essential to your survival.

All you have to do is 'Click against a Git', and you could help stop the ozone hole above you getting bigger by changing world opinion.

Rember: drugs, sex, football, anarchy; click againt a git.

plot exposed: acid to be put in bread

david cameron: tories are a bunch of fruit cakes, loonies, closit racists (allegedly)

Hippie Tory David Cameron has attacked his most hardline supporters calling them "A bunch of fruit cakes, loons, closet racists basically". He claims they are pretending to be politically correct - but really they are racists. Racism is a crime in Britain. The left-wing Tory Party splinter group UKIPPER are threatening to take him to court for libel. They stick to British traditions like eating kippers for breakfast, with marmalade and cold toast and calling French people 'Frogs'. Their leader told the BBC 'PM' program they were making a "Rapid inflammatory response", It is "Just Not True" (that they are low life racist scum) he said. Cameron is desperate to rid the 'Blue Rinse' image of Tories as racists who hate all people with hair that is not colored blue.

gutter politicians: george galloway attacks freedom of press - to be fake sheiks

Who is more worthy of great praise?

Is it the wonderful, handsome, talented, genius George Galloway, whose main wealth comes from suing people and is winner of 20 libel actions?

Or is it one of the most successful journalists in recent times, Mazher Mahmood who works for the authoritative journal of political analysis the 'News of the World', and has brilliantly exposed a string of double dealers, hypocrites and bent people of almost every description? His trick is to persuade his victims that he is a rich arab sheik - their greed gets them every time. Even the cynical Galloway could not resist an invitation from the 'sheik' to the Dorchester Hotel recently.

We have decided the greatest praise is due to the press freedom loving George Galloway, who voted to ban magic mushrooms and has that sexy 'concentration camp organiser' glint in his eyes. After all Galloway would never want to open prison camps in Scotland for dissident journalists like Mazher Mahmood as Stalin did in Siberia. If Galloway achieves his dream (and most people's nightmare), of having his 'Respect' party ruling Britain without Parliament, he will probably just make them read his speeches, and go to a few 'glorification of the leader' classes.

The brilliant and astute politician has been trying to prevent Mazher Mahmood excercising his freedom of expression as a fake sheik by posting his photograph in the 'Respect' website and exposing his name - which will be of great interest to the numerous seriously bad criminals he has helped put behind bars.

What a great man of the people George Galloway is! What a star. He deserves every respect. We hear he is looking for a new wife after his last one left him. What a great catch he will be for any woman - especially if she is an under cover journalist working for the 'News of the World.'

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

'crazy' italian opera download: 'coglioni' says Berlusconi

Reports are coming in of an amazing operatic performance by Italian opera singer Berusconi who has released a crazy 'digital' track in which he called his opponents 'coglioni' which means beautiful lovely, idiots and cretins in street Italian.

Over 10 million Italians have downloaded the crazy track making Berusconi number one 'coglioni' in Italy as Italians decide which opera company they want running the country for the next few months. Italy is as famous for changing governments as Britain is famous for changable weather.

In another part of Berusconi's lyrics he claims his center-leftist opponent in the Italian general election, the punk singer Prodi "relies on numbers like a drunk uses a lamppost - not to be shed light on, but just to lean on."

No wonder British lead guitarist Tony Blair decided not to have his holiday tour with Berusconi this year - he would not want to be shown up.

MDMA world record: British 'super raver' takes 40,000 ecstasy pills in nine years

The Guardian today reports of the 'strange case' of a disappearing raver which could point to a new nightmare side effect of taking ecstasy, the so called 'love' drug.

Ecstasy was developed by the CIA to make people enjoy listening to repetitive machine generated music all Saturday night and 'love' their bosses on Monday morning.

Now doctors from London University have revealed details of what they believe is the largest amount of ecstasy ever consumed by a single person. Consultants from the addiction centre at St George's Medical School, London, have published a case report of a British man estimated to have taken around 40,000 pills of MDMA, the active ingredient in ecstasy, over nine years,

For about four years he was consuming about 25 tabs of 'E' a day. Side effects included forgetting what was in his super market trolly while shopping, recurrent tunnel vision, hallucinations, paranoia, depression.

Apparently he sought medical attention after chronic and painful muscle rigidity around his neck and jaw prevented him opening his mouth - making it difficult to continue scoffing the tabs.

Doctors treating him said "He was having trouble functioning in every day life."

One explanation for his behavior is that he liked to eat a lot of smarties as a kid, but 'forgot' that he was an adult and ended up consuming MDMA tabs 'like smarties'.


• An estimated 750,000 regular users of ecstasy consume over 26 million tabs a year in Britain, more than any other country in the world. One pill costs the same as the tradition British 'pint' of beer: £2.50.

• 'Tabs' have got weaker, but this causes more health problems than when they were stronger - because people take two or three instead of just one. Researchers have found this does not just double or treble the dose, but quadruples it or more, "causing a chain reaction that may prove very dangerous."

• Users who fear they have over dosed often drink too much water which can cause 'hyponaetraemia (water poisoning). The recommended amount of water to drink per hour is one pint.

• A CIA plan to spray Iraq with ecstasy to stop a civil war was abandoned because of fears the insurgents might get into rap music

• Ecstasy is known for turning people into CIA zombies, repetitive beat addicts, and raving idiots, who just want to dance while 'Rome' burns.

Meanwhile the search is on for 'Mr A' the super raver who has disappeared. Some people believe this could be the real side effect of taking too much 'ecstasy' - it simply makes peoples brains so small they vanish into another dimension.

DRUG TAKERS OLYMPICS: Britain has won the nomination to hold the 'Drug Takers Olympics' in London. The 'Olympic Drug Dealers Association' who sponcer the event said this was thanks to the excellent bid put forward by Home Secretary Charles Clarke. He claimed that Britons take more illegal drugs now than they do in Spain, France & Germany put together.

Britain is almost certain to take several 'Golds' in Class A Drug Abuse, including the 'Middle Class Cocaine Dinner Party' all night race, the 'Crack House Marathon', and the '100 Yard Snort', which Olympian drug user Kate Moss is a 'hot' favorite to win nose down.

questions for god: what is a fair price for my daughter?

Dear God,

schmoo has been reading the Bible and is wondering :

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? Or ask Westiminster Council to put an ASBO on them.

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her on E Bay?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? Can I own a Irish or French slave as I am British? Technical point: I was born in Syria - can I have an Iraqi or Israeli or Lebanese slave?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath doing a stall in Camden Market. Exodus 35:2.The passage clearly states he should be put to death for this. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? Or can I hire a hoodie wearer? He is only selling bongs and rolling papers.

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? Which is worse: invadng Iraq, or nuking Iran, because this might save lives by shortening the war?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20? Are contact lenses acceptable? Does this mean I should avert my gaze while watching 'Songs of Praise'?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die? What about Singapore where long hair is prohibited because the ruler hates hippies? Is nuking the god awful place really ok?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? Is it transferable? Could I get it off Posh Spice? Does anti-bacterial soap work? A friend says it won't work for bird flu.

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/hemp blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

Just wondering, 'love and light', schmoo

medical cocaine: legalise coca tea

Above: Kate Moss come on over, schmoo's Bolivian connection just came in - with a kilo of coca tea bags - this is the way to go!

• According to research presented to the United Nations Commission on Human Rights by the "Tupay Katari" movement ":... coca leaf contains more proteins (19.9 per cent) than meat (19.4 per cent), and it is richer in vitamin B-1 (276 per cent) than fresh carrots".

• A 1975 study by Harvand University coco leaf weighing 100 grams contains: 18.9 calories of protine, 45.8 mg iron, 1,540 mg calcium plus Vitimins A, B1, B2, E and C.

• "Coca has more calcium than milk. It should be part of the school breakfast" says the new Bolivian government's foreign minister David Choquehuanca.

• When Pope John Paul II went to Bolivia even he drank coca tea and, acknowledged the virtues of the sacred leaf of the Incas.

• When U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently met Bolivian President Evo Morales, a former coca farmer, he gave her a guitar decorated with real coca leaves sealed under lacquer (so she would not get busted on her return to the USA).

• George Bush is a self confessed former cocaine user and coca cola drinker, who sometimes exibits the tell tale signs of continuing abuse. He once ripped off Hunter S. Thompson in a coke deal in Houston Texas (according to the now dead writer).

• The secret ingredient of coca cola was of course Cocaine.

Above: The La Paz Coca Musuem is open now!

• Another interesting Bolivian website that covers a lot of the politics of Coca is: The Andean Information Network.

• +Blog From Bolivia

Monday, April 3, 2006

iran next - or is it the west that is next?

A lot of people are thinking 'Is Iran Next?' but maybe it is the other way round? Is the West about to get a taste of 'refugee status' and collecting water in tins from the Red Cross?

Recent announcements from Iran are not encouraging. They seem to be holding a very strong position:

• Iranians have loads of oil - we don't.
• Iranians have a massive army - we don't.
• Iranians have a sense of pride about their country - we don't.
• Iranians pay personal debts on time - we don't.
• Iranians eat good nutritious food - we don't.
• Iranians have a low divorce rate - we don't.

And so on ..... The chances of them backing down over the nuclear issue are zero. The chances of us paying off our credit cards are ... zero.

Iran has successfully test-fired a missile that can avoid radar and hit several targets simultaneously using multiple warheads.

+ Iran's upgraded Shahab-3 medium-range ballistic missile has an alleged range of 2,000 km, which means that Tehran is capable of striking Israel or any other target in the region.

+ Yesterday they successfully test fired an underwater torpedo with a top speed of 360 km per hour, making it the fasted in the world. It can hit anything afloat, because nothing else can move that fast.

Basically Iran has got the Strait of Hormuz totally under their control - thats your electricity turned off pretty much any time they want. And $200 dollars a barrel oil, and food rationing, and camps for looters, and martial law, and maybe Blair & Bush for the next ten years .....

Not surprisingly the Iranians are winding up George "Bring 'Em on' Bush. Iran next? How neo-colonial! We can't even finish Wembly Football Statium on time. We are next!

How come Britain is not withdrawing the troops from Iraq? Because Blair is saving the airfares we'd have to pay to send them right back there again!

The Russians play chess, the Americans play checkers. The Iranians play Black Gammon, which looks relatively simple, but is more sophisticated than either chess or checkers. Still maybe there is hope for Britain, after all we play the Lottery!

bloggers beware, god is reading

Oh no! We have just heard that our blogging comrades in Iran are being harrassed just for discussing their sex lives. Apparently blogging is massive in iran but they don't dare to discuss politics, so have concentrated on sex. Now even sex is not allowed - because god might be reading!

With the word 'ballshit' being banned in the US, and a 'bollocks' poster being censored by police in London, it looks like the world is going funda-mentally mad.