SCIENTISTS fear hundreds of New Labour MP's lives could be at risk, if an 'Old Labour' virus which has already hit 50 MP's mutates into 'Tory Flu' and the far more deadly affliction: 'Tory Government'.
National Health experts say a pandemic of 'Tory Government' could devastate the country and millions of people could suffer.
Now there is serious concern as the awful truth that many suspected has emerged. Up to 50 Labour MP's have suffered chronically from the 'old labour' virus for over a decade! They have tried to keep it secret from the general public due to the anti social nature of the disease.
Symptoms include alinating potential voters by regurgitating their own bullshit and attacking their comrades at every opportunity; uncontrolable self destructive urges to cause splits in the party and other 'self harming' symptoms of mental illness; hallucinations; delusions of grandeur; political dyslexia (always supporting the wrong side); Arthur Scargill worship, and a total loss of memory.
Many sufferers, who include Frank Dobson, Diana Abbott (who can't even organise a decent website), Tony Benn (who has never done an real job in his life), and Labour Party deserter George Galloway, are now so senile they can't even remember who Margaret Thatcher was, or how they kept her in power for 11 years and the Tories in power for 18 years. Due to their awful illness, they believe they have the support of the people, when in fact the opposite is true - all they do is encourage people to vote Tory.
The disease is so dangerous, and can spread so quickly once it mutates, that Prime Minister Tony Blair has promised to do all he can to stop it spreading by speeding up reform of the NHS. There is also serious concern that his best friend Gordon Brown may have been struck down. Tony Blair was believed to have nursed him over the weekend.
Brown chronically bites his finger nails, an addiction which is one of the sure signs of the onset of the fatal wasting disease 'Tory Government'.
If Gordon Brown has the infection, Tony Blair could have to give up plans to make millions of pounds writing books and traveling the world giving speeches. He might have to sacrifice all that to go on nursing his dear friend (they even live next door to each other).
Tony Blair will do everything he can do to ensure a healthy recovery, and a fourth Labour election victory; he will do anything to stop the dreaded pox, which could turn feverish 'renewal' into a mass funeral.