Above: Pop goes the dream for England. Heathrow and Manchester airports are tonight on full alert in case Portuguese terrorist bully Ronaldo tries to enter the country. Ronaldo targeted our troops in Germany, including war hero Wayne Rooney. The Portuguese killer ran a vicious 'phyco ops' campaign against Rooney, using personal information gleaned by infiltrating Manchester United. Anti terrorist experts say Ronaldo is now expected to escape to Spain where a shadowy network of extremists known as 'Real Madrid' will support him.
Meanwhile arms dealers who have been selling thousands of rounds of red and white england flags and balloons are tonight cancelling massive orders with China. Up to now it was possible to buy an England Flag for as little as £1.50 on the black market. Now ruthless arms dealers are switching to ordering Brazilian weaponry - as no one in England will be supporting the German 'Dalek invaders', who wish to take over the world (see latest episode of Dr Who)
PINTS OF TEARS AS ENGLAND DREAM DIES
Above: England supporters weep in London pub, as Portugal shooting squad executes the British goal keeper.
END OF SVEN
The match took place on the 90th anniversary of the 'Battle of the Somme' in which no less than 420,000 British soldiers died, thanks to the stupidity of their moronic generals. And, although considerably better paid, just like 90 years ago, our brave English football tommies faught to the bitter end - while their incompetent leaders, who just sat on the side lines, will retire on massive pensions. Now a long over due purge at the top command will see the doddery General Sven replaced.
But despite the fact he lost the war for England, the Swedish mercenary will be paid millions. Still there is one thing to cheer up the patriotic English fans - this is finally the end of Sven.