Crisis? What Crisis? Here at schmoo there has been an amazing transformation of our world view: Everything in the Universe is brilliant! Everything is going to be ok. No need to worry about a thing. All the problems of the world are being solved, peace and tranquility is breaking out. There is plenty of food for everyone, and starvation is illegal. We have also fallen in love with President Bush - he is such a lovable, peace loving, socialist minded, genius of a 'people's' politician. And all the programs on telly are great!
In case you think we have gone mad don't worry; today is 'Cosmic Trigger Day' according to an email we have just received from some transcendental Meditation (TM) people based in South Africa, forwarded by a friend of a friend from Iran (that's the internet for you). 'TM' is the organisation started by the Guru Maharishi who got his big break in show business when the Beatles visited his Ashram in India in the sixties, after taking loads of L.S.D.
According to the Maharishi email everyone on earth is being zapped today by an ultra violet 'cosmic ray' from 'Universe 2':
"This beam resonates with the heart chakra, it is radiant fluorescent in nature, blue/magenta in color. Although it resonates in this frequency band, it is above the color frequency spectrum of your Universe-1 which you, Earth articulate in. However due to the nature of your soul and soul groups operating from Universe-2 frequency bands, it will have an effect. The effect is every thought and emotion will be amplified intensely one million-fold."
Because of this the people from TM understandably want to avoid a total world disaster by getting as many people as possible (at least a million) to think positive thoughts. This is the only way we can counter the negative effects of the 'News at Ten', and the BBC's 'News Night' program (also known as 'News Fright').
Here at the schmoo 'very, very safe palace, dripping in gold and precious stones' we plan to spend the rest of the day thinking about all those £50 pound notes and 'YouTube' Shares coming our way, any day now. They should print £100 notes. Even better would be £1000 notes; this would make positive thinking so much more efficient.
Peace and Prosperity to everyone!