good news: rupert murdock's cash in the bin - thelondonlitter

Above: A deadly cluster of unexploded gutterpress 'trash bombs' found in rubbish bin off Tottenham Court Road as the London 'litter war' blitz continues .....

LONDON'S SECRET 'LITTER WAR'

London is currently receiving a daily carpet bombing 'blitz' of tons of 'high tech' precision marketing 'trash bombs' which include deadly inks and toxic chemicals, and are designed to effect their victim's intelligence - sometimes permanently.

In this largely unreported 'secret war' London commuters, as well as innocent civilians, are being targeted in daily attacks by fanatical 'news lords' who are orchestrating the deadly litter attacks from bases in the lawless mountainous regions of Hampstead and New York.

DO PANIC

Police advice anyone seeing a 'trash bomb' on a tube or bus to immediately pull the emergency cord and start screaming. They say 'Don't Be a Hero - Don't Read The Trash - Just Run."

CRACK SUBSTITUTE

The 'litter war' in London is being won by Rupert Murdock's 'thelondonpaper' which is far better quality trash than either the 'Evading Standards', the 'Daily Liar' or the 'Meano' (all of which are designed to attack the brain cells of grown children).

'thelondonpaper' claims to provide a "good 20 minute read", but like a newsprint version of 'crack', it only lasts about 20 nanoseconds. However this is the deadly secret of it's success - for most multiple 'trash attack' victims (about 90% of Londoners) 20 nanoseconds is ages.

'TRASH BOMB' FORMULA

Every issue of 'thelondonpaper' has the following deadly ingredients: 10 nanoseconds about taking hard drugs, 5 nanoseconds about watching Sky TV tonight, and 5 nanoseconds about having sex without actually doing it. This adds up to exactly 20 nanoseconds (and is no reflection on the proprietor's personal tastes).

DANGEROUSLY THIN PAPER DISORDER

Meanwhile the Third, Forth and Fifth 'Reich' supporting 'Evading Standards', (mostly written by concentration camp guard wannabes), is now dangerously 'Size 0' - they must be losing millions.

Hopefully one day soon they will disappear forever.