Tuesday, December 16, 2008

new credit crunch package to restart britain

None of the credit crunch breakfast cereal packages on offer from any of the main political supermarket chains cut the muster here at the safe house. Too many synthetic sweeteners, toxic debts and not enough fresh fruity ideas. Therefore the 'Committee On Preparing For The End Of Now Forever' offers the following credit crunch package recipe ideas:

1. Create a decent Peoples Bank out of Northern Rock, and all the other bits of bailed out junk, plus the Post Office, to offer essential financial services for individuals and business. Lend to people and companies according to their tax records.

2. Turn mortgage defaulters into council tenants, allowing them to retain 'part ownership' for what they have already paid for, and pay rent for the rest. Council tenants can use the 'right to buy' to restart a new mortgage if things ever 'pick up'.

3. Make all public transport free.

4. With thousands losing their jobs, abolish unemployment overnight by paying everyone over 16 a basic living wage regardless of their employment status; anyone working will simply have this deducted as tax. At the moment the government spends more than £9000, to pay less than £3000 in benefits. Making people sign on is a total waste of time and money. Besides, surviving on income support is a full time job.

5. Urgently reform Unfair Britain before there is a violent revolution of people even more crazy than the people running things at the moment. For example; someone who earns £100 pounds an hour pays the same price for everything as someone who only earns £10 pounds an hour. This means that everything is much more expensive for poorer people. A ‘ price banding’ system needs to be developed that allows the profit part of a product price to be varied according to how much the customer earns per hour. If you are in the lowest earnings per hour band you will pay the least. This would make all pricing fair for the first time.

6. Start a Peoples Supermarket with decent wages and really cheap prices thanks to not having any shareholders to pay off, backed up by the development of a massive nationwide allotment vegetable growing program to produce really nutritional food.

7. Turn all the empty Woolworths into multi media entertainment venues with non stop live bands comedians, DJs, magicians, films, theatre and other amazing acts, creating thousands of jobs, especially for talented young people all over Britain.

8. Avoid destroying the green belt, and the few remaining school playing fields. Instead create 'real estate in the sky' by building housing on bridges over rivers, and by building on top of major roads in towns and cities, turning the roads into pollution controlled tunnels. When the floods come at least thease homes will be safe.

9. Start investing in Britain's first Space Lift so we can open the space frontier and start mining the moon, consider a holiday on Mars, and send all our toxic nuclear waste to the sun for permanent incineration.

10. Install soft 'sleeping police men' road bumps that generate electric power every time a car goes over them, on every street in Britain.

11. Immediately start a national program to build the infrastructure required for the mass use of hydrogen fuel. The latest Top Gear has a review of a hydrogen car built by Honda that actually works.

12. While preparing for every contingency at home, sponsor and support an international disaster immediate response force, manned partly by volunteers from all over the world, plus retrained army people, to deal with natural and man made disasters due to unstoppable dramatic climate change.

13. End the tax free status for pot dealers and hookers and legalise prostitution and cannabis. Government 'Work Start' grants for licensed cannabis growing operations would create thousands of jobs all over Britain. Legalisation will save the NHS millions, being by far the safest option for everyone, plus over £1 billion a year in police, court, and prison costs for cannabis alone.

1 comment:

ian said...

I'm for all of these demands. Brilliant!!