barack obama's genetic secrets

It is emerging that no one actually knows where Barack Obama comes from. Kenyan opposition leader Raila Odinga has recently claimed to the BBC that Barack Obama is his cousin, and there are even claims that Obama is a distant relative of US President of Vice, Dick Cheney.

Raila Odinga, who almost certainly comes from the same Luo tribe as Barack Obama's father, is currently implicated in fanning the flames of an orgy of tribal bloodletting in Kenya, the nation that supplies the Tescos Supermassacre food chain with green beans. He claims Barack Obama has been in regular phone contact.

Barack Obama's father was killed in a car crash in Kenya when his power seeking son was a child. Barack's autobiography is called 'Dreams from my Father'.

A final theory about Barack Obama's origins is that he is a genetically modified 'clone', using DNA code from Dick Cheney, John Kennedy, Raila Odinga and Martin Luther King, in a desperate attempt to produce the perfect US president; someone able to 'reach out' - and hoodwink everyone.

• Barack Obama's Luo tribal ancestors also have strong links to the murderous politics of Uganda. They include Joseph Kony, leader of the genocidal 'Lord's Resistance Army', and three former Ugandan presidents. There are also strong Luo tribal connections with the Sudan.

Politicans from the Luo tribe include: Tom Mboya, Kenyan politician, assassinated in 1969, Milton Obote, former president of Uganda, Jaramogi Oginga Odinga, first Vice President of independent Kenya, Tito Okello, former president of Uganda, Bazilio Olara-Okello, former president of Uganda, and Robert Ouko, Kenyan Foreign Minister, murdered in 1990.

Barack Obama