Above: Charles Clarke carrying out a Big Brother task which involved being Home Secretary and trying not to talk Double Speak. He failed.
Above: Charles Clarke pleaded for a second chance, but his pleas fell on deaf ears; he was evicted. Now he has struck back at his ex house mates who voted against him.
Charles Clarke says:
• John Reid spends hours in the toilet reading the Sun and back copies of the 'News of the World'.
• Tony Blair was "wrong, wrong, wrong" for voting to evict him. But Clarke is "not angry", it is just that Tony (who he still likes as a friend), has no sence of direction, needs to get his act together, stop taking drugs, and is probally too 'spaced out' to stay in the House for much longer.
• John Reid is "fundamentally wrong" about almost everything. Clarke is furious at the 'woolly liberal slut' slur being put about by Reid, who has also claimed that Clarke left the Home Office in an appalling, "dysfunctional" state, with no washing up done, piles of dirty linen everywhere and over flowing rubbish bins. Reid, who is now Home Secretary, and responsible for saving Britain from going to pot, was recently embarrassed after police found cannabis in his house.
Big Brother observers say Clarke's outbursts failed to live up to pre publicity promices of being a "Geoffrey Howe Moment" similar to when Lord Howe famously destroyed the Tory 'pin up' girl, Lady Thatcher, forcing her humiliating eviction.
Instead it looks like Clarke is lining himself up to be invited back into the house in a new series, possibly starting later this year, which will feature the controversial Labour male model 'hunk' Gordon Brown. Insiders say the plan for the new show involves Brown occupying the master bed room, which will have a massive mirror on the ceiling over the bed.