Big Brother's torture chambers in Channel 4's 'Ministry of Information' Interrogation Centre could be closed down, with the loss of many jobs, because of a corruption scandal involving the 'Kit Kat' sweet bar.
KIT KAT FIX
The latest crisis to hit Big Brother, after the loss of close friend Charles Clarke, is believed to be due to corrupt activities by suspected serial baby killers, Nestlé, who are still at large.
The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) is sending in special investigators after informers gave evidence that the KIT KAT 'golden ticket' promotion run by Nestlé for the Big Brother education program was fixed.
The involvement of enemy agents is strongly suspected.
The carefully laid plan was to allow 43-year-old enemy model Susie Verrico to infiltrate the Big Brother house, with the sole purpose of spreading anti Party properganda.
'It has been alleged that the draw was fixed and that the winner Susie was preselected,' an ASA spokesperson comrade said. 'We are investigating whether the draw was made in accordance with the laws of chance and with an independent observer as the CAP Code requires.'
KIT KAT KILLERS
Nestlé are also accused of selling dodgy breast milk substitute to millions of impoverished mothers, but they refuse to admit their guilt.
In this latest desperate scheme they hoped to spread poisonous propaganda to millions of young followers of Big Brother, slowly murdering them with innocent looking treats laced with deadly sugar and dairy products.
A Channel 4 Interrogation Centre spokesperson comrade said: "If we have to lay off our top mind control and lie propagation technicians we could loose irreplaceable skills built up over generations, ever since Big Brother started the BBC. Long live Big Brother!"
Yes! And long live the comrades at Interrogation Centre 4!
• Enemy agent involvement is also suspected in the British Airways price fixing crisis, and in what was obviously an assassination attempt on footballer comrade Michael Owen, during the England v Sweden match.