city news: credit crunch cure war launched

Global conglomerate 'New World Order' has announced a new product range called 'Cold War Two'.

This replaces the old 'War on Terror' product line which reported a 'credit crunch' drop in both profit and credibility for a third successive month, heralding a possible recession as yet more arms dealers feel the pinch and are forced to make even more profits than before, while everyone else takes a cut.

Profits have taken a drop from "extremely good beyond all expectations" to "absolutely massive" as less and less people are being killed in Iraq thanks to the disaster of the unexpected success of the Bush inspired 'Surge', and the failure of Iraqi civilians to join Al Quada despite everything the US Army tried to do.

However to lighten the load on tax payers there will be a cut throat price war which could see the cost of cutting a throat cut by twice the level of inflation; this could cut the cost of living to almost zero if enough throats are cut. There will also be further anti inflationary measures such as the Global Martial Law sales plan which will enable cheaper torture equipment and prison camp accessories thanks to bulk buying economies.

New World Order hopes that the sheer size of the 'Cold War Two' electrical goods range alone will end the 'credit crunch' which has seen millions of people stop consuming useless tat, to the horror of bankers and social workers.

The release of 'Cold War Two' will see a huge increase in firework technology which will boost the arms trade economy by trillions. Meanwhile a series of 'shot on location' mini wars are promised to hit western TV screens, each war will be slightly worst than the previous and alternated between several genocidal block busters using millions of extras. However some old lines will be kept; outrageous threats to civil liberties will continue as normal and all the weather in Britain will be taxed to appease environmentalists.

• inside dealer share tip: Now is the time to buy shares in New World Order as profits from Cold War Two are expected to dwarf the record breaking War on Terror range. This will always be associated with it's unbelievable but chilling adverts staring the actor George Bush and 'face of terror', male super model Obama Bin Laden. Cold War Two promises to be more far realistic, producing far more real deaths, with an increased 'profit per innocent civilian unit killed' (PPICUK) of nearly fifty per cent.

• The New World Order business plan controversially involves total world domination; the company already owns more than 75% of Earth plus all the futures for everything on Mars.