Tuesday, April 8, 2008

new plan for olympics

The Schmoo Construction Corporation has come up with a plan to solve all the problems associated with holding the Olympics.

The Olympic Reform Plan involves the construction of a massive floating island with enough space for all the stadiums, accommodation and other infrastructure to hold the Olympics.

According to the reform plan there would be the normal Olympics; the Paraplegic Olympics and the main event; the Drug Olympics in which athletes will be allowed to use what ever drugs they like to achieve the best record breaking results possible.

The construction of a 'one off' Olympics floating island would solve a lot of problems:

Powered by the multiple windmill, solar panel, recycled hemp, sail system developed by the Schmoo Construction Corporation, the floating Olympic Island is designed so it can be moved around the planet allowing the maximum number of people to be close to it every few years.

An option extra is the ability to go only to places with the perfect climate for athletics and doing nothing. This is possible using the schmoo "Perfect Climate Automatic Navigation Device' which is attachable to bicycles, boats, cars and floating islands. The Dulux version enables the user to calibrate the Perfect Climate with the Perfect Political Climate, so they are always in the best place at the best time.

Every part of the island will be biodegradable, organic, made of hemp based construction materials, seaweed or use recycled materials as much as possible to way above British supermarket standards. The Co2 'splash print' of the Olympic island will be minimal. There is no truth in the claims by hysterical 'greens' that the reduction in global CO2 emissions created by the Olympic Island could be enough to put 'Global Warming' in reverse and start a new Ice Age.

When fairly close to the mainland a bridge made out of several billion recycled plastic bottles and tin cans collected from the local area will be constructed. This will contribute to general eco tidiness and harmony with nature, while at the same time be capable of carrying up to 10,000 4/4's an hour from the mainland. These will be parked in massive underwater permanent car parks on the sea bed, encased in quick setting re cycled plastic to avoid toxic spillages, and used to anchor the Olympic island during it's stay. When the island moves they will be left as an Olympic Legacy Reef of 4/4's covered in coral.

The 'one off' construction plan will greatly ease the burden on the local population of which ever nation 'wins' the task of holding the Olympic events, saving them being crippled for generations by billions of pounds of expensive debt, and avoiding the demolition of whole 'up and coming' slum neighbourhoods. Instead of creating the risk of serious civil unrest or worse, their leaders can enjoy hosting the Olympic event for themselves and their associates as usual, but now on an island that is guaranteed to be trouble free. All this, while still getting maximum exposure for corporate logo's etc Once they realise the advantages Governments will be desperate to get involved.

It will also be relatively cheap to change the style theme to that of for example Papa New Guinea, the Congo, Mongolia etc. Up grades and maintanence costs will be minimal.

The sport training assets could be used all year round by athletes from poorer countries such as Britain, whose Olympic sports stars often have to sign on as Job Seekers when they are training full time, which is illegal. As part of the the unique Olympic training scheme developed by Britain, the government cuts the athlete's benefit payments off without warning because they have failed to provide adequate proof that they are looking for work, or because they 'signed on' 4.4 seconds after the correct time.

To bring in extra revenue and cut the dependency on commercial sponsorship other special events could be held on the island such as the G8 meetings, Bilderberg meetings, nuclear war crisis meetings, 9.11/2 planning meetings, and major festivals such as the new Global Glastonbury Festival.

Politial protesters could be given their own smaller island which would follow the Olympics Island where ever it went. A special protest event organised by China, Burma, Uzbekistan and the Sudan called 'Olympic Protest Swimming Through Sharks And Piranhas' could be one of the high lights. This involves Olympic Protest Athlete's attempting to illegally swim to the main island through specially infested shark and piranha waters, full of floating minefields, gun boats and helicopter gunships ordered to strafe swimmers on sight with heavy machine gun fire and then use napalm.

• Thanks to it's natural floating technology the Olympic Island will be immune to rising sea levels and can be moved out of the way of hurricanes and crashing asteroids. Being so big it will be able to 'surf' over a 90 meter tsunami wave if required (unfortunately this will not be the case for the smaller protester island).

If the USA collapses completely the United Nations Building, currently in New York could be moved to the island on short notice at minimum cost.

The Schmoo Construction Corporation is responsible for the construction of 'Planet Schmoo' now in random orbit somewhere in the 'freezones' on the outer reaches of the Galaxy.

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