swine flu spread by holy water

Members of the mad religious cult known as Christianity have been spreading swine flu through 'Holy' water.

Cult members often put their fingers into a communal bowl of 'holy' water, make the sign of the cross and for strange superstitious reasons either touch their foreheads or even kiss their fingers, which could be the kiss of death.

Now a senior member of the cult, the Bishop of Chelmsford, has spoken out and warned of the serious heath risks associated with holy water. He says holy water should be banned.

Apparently 'holy' wine is also a risk. Members of the cult often go to residential nursing homes where they engage in a weird ritual with residents involving sharing 'holy' wine from one glass.

The whistle blowing Bishop says that if anyone has flu-like symptoms "the priest alone should drink wine from the chalice".

• 100,000 cases a day expected = 500 deaths a day?

• six young healthy australians fighting for their lives. Head of intensive care services Dr Robert Herkes stated "This is not an ordinary flu. It is hitting young, otherwise healthy people...they start with a sore throat, develop shortness of breath and within 12 to 24 hours have rapidly developed respiratory failure and are being ventilated."

• Obese people are especially at risk from swine flu (H1N1). Nine out of ten people in a US study were obese and had multiple organ failure, which can be seen in influenza, but five had blood clots in the lungs, and six had kidney failure. Three died and none have completely recovered. One third of Americans are obese.