Above: Boris Johnson's Tory Bunnie plans for London are hilarious.
Security alert levels have been raised to red at the schmoo safehouse on news of the opinion poll giving a 12 point lead to Boris Johnson against Ken Livingston in the upcoming London Mayor election (May 1st). The flamboyant gang leader represents the 'Old School Tie Mafia Gang' who are fighting a vicious turf war to control London's property market.
Boris Johnson has also made an alliance with the 'Car Sales Man Gang' and the 'Oil Company Gang' - his jokey populist transport policy involves a massive increase in the use of luxury 4/4 'chelsea tanks' to replace the 'free' bendy buses.
"I think pedestrians are the most dangerous feature on the road at the moment." Boris Johnson declared on Radio 2 recently.
• Ken Livingstone points to a £100 million financial gap in the funding of Boris's bus scheme which would cause a bus fare rise from 90p to £1.05, and a financial crisis for London's transport services.
Ken Livingstone email to schmoo: "As mayor, Boris Johnson's mistakes about London transport would be costly to our city, and would hit ordinary Londoners in the pocket. His £100 million bus policy blunder would equal a single bus fare rise from 90p to £1.05. It's time for Boris to be honest with Londoners about the real cost of his transport plan. It's not just the numbers that don't add up on Boris's transport manifesto. Boris Johnson has no coherent policy about the collapse of Metronet and the £1 billion a year programme for Tube modernisation. He doesn't even seem to know who owns Crossrail, the largest transport project in Europe. His manifesto has caused widespread concern amongst road-safety campaigners. It includes proposals to re-phase traffic lights solely to speed up traffic, disregarding the needs of pedestrians. What Boris Johnson doesn't seem to understand is that when traffic lights are on red for cars and lorries, they are green for pedestrians or cyclists. Join my call for Boris to withdraw his flawed transport manifesto. While Boris Johnson's transport manifesto is unraveling, the transport plan I have set out will help our transport system thrive, which helps ensure all Londoners can share in London's success."
• Boris Johnson Gang Members list: Despite a cover up attempt it has emerged that paid up members of the Boris Gang include: John L Beckwith £50,000, Edwina Herrmann (lobbyist) £25,000, Peter Hall £20,000, Nicholas Boles £20,000, Stanley Fink (hedge fund supremo) £20,000, Michael Slade (property developer) £20,000, Lord Jonathan Marland £15,000, Windsor Services Ltd £10,000, Edmund Lazarus (Englefield Capital co-founder) £10,000, Michael Spencer (boss of money broker ICAP) £10,000, Nigel McNair Scott (property developer) £10,000, Ivor Braka (Chelsea art dealer) £10,000, Pidom Export Ltd £5,000, Kenneth A Carter £5,000, Michael Hintze (chief executive of CQS hedge fund) £2,000, Paul Bate £2,000.