Great Train Robber Mr Biggs is under guard in a Norwich hospital tonight suffering from pneumonia. Mr Biggs will be 80 this year and his son Michael Biggs has issued a plea for his release on compassionate grounds which anyone with half a heart should support, especially the current Home Secretary Mrs Jacqui Smith. After all it seems Mrs Smith, if that is her true name, may be in need of some compassion herself, or otherwise a jail cell, after it emerged recently that she has been robbing the tax payer in a Great Expenses Fraud.
• "The Queen wants my daddy, but I need Him" - Micheal Biggs aged six, speaking on Brazilian TV after his 'Great Train Robber' dad, Ronnie Biggs was kidnapped by MI6 in Brazil. The British were 'not amused' that Ronnie had escaped from one of Her Majesties Prisons in Britain and had found sanctuary and happiness in Brazil. After Micheal's TV appearance, Brazil erupted, and the British government was subsequently forced to order his release from a MI6 hideout in the Caribbean. The Brazilian government sent a Lear jet to pick him up and return him to Brazil and a true hero's welcome.
• Mr Biggs - better times in Brazil, schmoo poetry exclusive.