Wednesday, May 28, 2008

hail cesar, heil boris

Everything has changed now that Boris Johnson has taken over London and left the country. It's great! You can hear the police sirens 24/7. Apparently an old RAF base called Watchfield is being used as a prison camp for anyone arrested who is under 25 with no O'levels. Finally the Bendy Buses are safe. Seems Boris can't actually get rid of the hated Bendy Bike Killer Buses like he promised because they are part of a deal with a multi-national CCTV security company who also work for the Pentagon. This must be a huge blow to Boris who rides a bike to work and is passionate about safety for cyclists in London. However as further evidence of a new and responsible administration Boris has ordered that the vomit, blood stained and killer bug riddled interiors of all the buses are to be detoxed to above NHS standards by 2011, and redesigned by the people who did the latest Big Brother House, using blue as the main highlight colour.

Above: The bathroom in the new Big Brother House is big enough to thoroughly scrub down a bendy bus.

Thank god Boris has ended that immoral cheap fuel deal with Venezuela. Can you believe it? London, one of the richest capitals in the world accepting fuel aid from Venezuela whose impoverished citizens are forced to eat organic food, watch non commercial TV and accept free education and medical attention.

That Stalinist totalitarian dictator Chavez claims he just wanted to help poor and disabled people in London get cheap travel. What a nerve, meddling in another nation's internal affairs! No wonder the Bendy Buses are so crowded. Instead of the required security clampdown on fare dodging dole scroungers, fake pensioners and fraudulent wheel chair cases, Ken Livingston was giving them free travel! Worse still Livingston was in league with Chavez whose obvious plan was to corrupt our British culture by encouraging poor people to swamp the public transport system, causing untold damage to our economy. There are just too many poor people, they really should be required to dress smarter if they are going to use public transport.

It looks like Boris will be putting the fares up soon when he gets back from a well deserved holiday in Turkey. Hopefully if the fare rise is high enough it will get rid of all the poor people and illegal immigrants swamping our transport system.

etc etc etc

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