The Labour Party is in intensive care today after attempting suicide with an over dose of highly toxic 'brownites'.
Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt has described the suicide attempt as "madness", which backs up the widespread believe it was in fact part of a plot by Gordon Brown who is known to be 'psychologically challenged'.
On 'Channel 4 News' tonight she denied that the days events were part of a 'coup' by the Brownites (otherwise known as the 'Brownshits').
However, given Hewitt's past record, her denials have only served to increase fears that the Brownshits are about to take over the country, and turn it into a crack pot 'old labour' dictatorship run by embittered accountants from the Treasury.
Brownite militia thugs have been on the streets of London setting up check points, giving interviews to the press, and mortar bombing 10 Downing Street, while Brown himself remains in his bunker surrounded by troops.
If this 'coup-de-Brown' succeeds 'New Labour' will have no hope of winning the next election. The Party will have to spend at least 40 years in opposition, held in a top security 'special care' unit for loonie lefties, while the Tories ransack the country, raping and pillaging.
However the Brownshits could well ban all elections - as they are already attempting to do with the Labour Party leadership elections.
Meanwhile tonight doctors say the Labour Party is expected to survive, but may be left brain dead if the Party's head, Tony Blair, has to be prematurely amputated.
tony blair - gordon brown